A Palm Greaser's Guide to Africa

Your Mission if you choose to accept it: Get two senior citizens accross the borders of three african countries in a single day without losing a single bag or suffering a single nervous breakdown.

That's what we did when we left Dar Es Salaam for Victoria Falls. We went from Tanzania to South Africa to Zimbabwe through a series of connecting flights. Tony was the brains behind the operation. He deftly navigated the airport, which was made easier by well placed dollar bills in the hands of porters and wheel chair handlers. Tony knew that the only living creatures in the world that are universally loved as much as grandmas are perhaps kittens. So Grandma and Bea would put the sweet stuff on the airport help while Tony made sure they knew there was something else in it for them. As a result - no bags lost, no heart attacks, no hold ups in customs or security. Not a single jar of cold cream or can of hairspray was comandeered. We breezed through the airports fairly quickly, and even got a free upgrade to first class on our 2 hour flight from Zimbabwe to Johannesburg. So by my estimation, Grandma and Bea's cuteness is worth several hundred if not thousands of dollars. Amidst all the hustle, Tony confided in Theresa and I saying "Ï Love this!" So did the porters and handlers, since they occasionally got the triple dip, when Tree and I tipped on the back end after Tony had already tipped on the front end.

If Tony was the brains behind the operation, I was the braun. At one point I had a backpack on my back and one accross each shoulder. Also had two bags in my hands and a camera bag around my neck for a total of 6 bags. to make the sight even more ridiculous, my pants were sagging because I didn't have enough time to get my belt on after a security check, so i just jammed it in my pocket and showed off my new leopard print boxers to my fellow travellers.

Tree and Carol were the spirit behind the operation. since their hands were relatively free, they could make sure grandma and bea were cared for and stayed with the group. there was a brief moment in Arusha where grandma was almost rolled onto a cargo plane headed for Samalia, but Tree and Carol prevented such mishaps.

So to those of you wondering how and the heck we are getting from point A to point B with several stops in between, the answer is threefold:

(1) Travel with a grandma, (2) be cute, and (3) have someone jamming a $5-spot into the hands of your help to grease the tracks.